You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
