Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
