Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
