My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
