3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Non-Jews are for practice
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
