I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
