And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
