can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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