Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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