eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
