It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
