What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
