guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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