and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
