What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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