I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
