well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
