I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
should my penis look like a turkey
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
