just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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