ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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