Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i've created a new STD.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
