Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
