You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
