i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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