just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
