What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
