he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
