you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
