i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
