found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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