So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
