Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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