i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
