dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
