Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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