I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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