I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
