it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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