Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
