Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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