That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
