I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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