I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
