You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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