Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
