I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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