Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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