i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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