I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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