Someone shit on the floor
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
