do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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