Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
