She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
