Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
