My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
