ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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