yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
